Southern Musings

Girl Raised In The South or G.R.I.T.S. is a popular acronym here in the southern states. Personally, I believe that it is wrong. I think it should be Grandma Raised In The South. A girl raised in the south eventually grows up, gets married, and has a family. Those children one day will grow up and have kids of their own. Thus the girl evolves into a grandma. If you think the girl was something, you haven’t seen anything like the grandma she becomes!

Grandma Raised in the South will feature stories about being a grandma in the south and even how this particular grandma views things that happen in the world. So, come back soon and see what is added to the category! 

It is time to quit waiting on others to do something and to do it ourselves. Instead of waiting on the government or a charity to bail out a friend or even a total stranger, it is time that we step up and help them ourselves. It isn’t a new idea. In years gone by, this was a regular happening. At least it was until people started relying on the government or some special charity to bail others out.

There was a time without all the government agencies that we can now turn to for help. It was a time when there were people that actually cared about others. They were not helping because it made them look good. They helped because it was needed. Are there folks today that do this? Sure!

The difference is that now, the first thing that often is thought of when someone is in need is what agency can help them. Where is our compassion? Where is our sense of doing what is right? Where is our heart? Sure helping others can set you up for scams and being used. I’ve certainly been used by more people than I care to admit. There are even times when I am very guilty of not helping when I should.

Take a look at the world around you. The need is not just in Africa or some other country. It is right here in your county or state. There are people that need a helping hand. There are people that just need a friendly ear. There are people that just need a small sign that someone cares about them as an individual.

It doesn’t take a lot of money. Sometimes all it takes is your time. But the trick is, YOU have to want to help others. Not just point them in the direction of the agency that will help, but do what you can to help or show your concern.

We all have heard of the state of our economy. We even have lived through many times when we have heard of how this agency or this department will have a budget cut that will extremely effect how much help that can be given to those in need.

In my state, the education budget is what is suffering budget cuts currently. Education is a necessity. Without proper funding for education, how can we expect a bright future for our children? If teachers do not have the money needed for the supplies or if there are not enough teachers hired, then our children will not have the future that they deserve.

Yes, this is my opinnion. I hope many of you will agree with me that education and helping others is important. There are several websites that are geared towards helping people find ways to volunteer. USAService.org is only one of them. Check it out. I even found opportunites close to me way out here in the boonies.

One current focus of the site is to promote people helping others on January 19, 2009. This is the day set aside for Martin Luther King, Jr day this year. There are several opportunities listed. You can search by your zip code to find one near you. As a member of an online group called Online Angels, I plan to make 44 squares to send to online angels. 

So, what do you plan on doing to help others?

As the year quickly draws to a close, the entire world seems to be talking about how they will celebrate. The local news channel is running news stories at least once per week about a local cab company that will be giving free rides home for those that party too much to drive. Hotels are running specials that include a celebration in the price. Individuals all around are rushing to the store to pick up the last minute items they need for their own celebration. At my house, my boys will be waiting up until the magical hour with me while my husband will be catching a few z’s.

We just are not into the big elaborate parties. We may have a special meal or simply plan some time together, but we rarely go all out and have a party or even friends over. Sure I would love to have a big party and go all out, but my budget and my time just do not allow for such a celebration. Instead, we will be having our nice quiet evening at home again. 

We will have a nice dinner at home before watching a movie or favorite show. Then about 11:00 or 11:30, we will grab some snacks and fight for our favorite seat in front of the television. After midnight, the boys will drift off into their rooms to play video games or chat with late night friends. I will eventually get tired and catch a few z’s of my own.

It may not sound like a big deal, but to me it is. It is a quiet time. A time to reflect over what happened the previous year and think about what changes I feel need to be made in the upcoming year. It is a time that I can say goodbye to the bad times, remember the good, and plan for even better.

Celebrations do not have to be big or expensive. They do not have to involve a lot of people. They can be just a moment of being thankful for what we have and grateful for what we are about to receive.

Regardless of how you plan on seeing the start of the new year, I hope that your life is filled with much happiness and that your heart and mind are open to the good things that will be coming your way. Allow the negative things to quietly drift away while hoarding as many good memories as you can. Celebrate life, love, and happiness as you find your own personal way of marking yet another point in history.

Even though life is definitely better than the alternative of not living, sometimes just day to day living gets in the way of our doing what we want to do. That is what has been happening to me over the past few months. As I have struggled with accepting that I can not control everything in my life, I have come to see that there are times that we must take a step or even ten backwards to get to what we need to do.

Honestly, I’ve still not accepted completely that I can not control what happens around me. I’m a control freak from way back, so it may take me longer to accept it all than it should.

A few years back, I was happily floating along in my life. I would volunteer whenever I didn’t have work to do. My work consisted of substitute teaching, so I had many days without work. That was okay. I had lots of things to do to keep me busily helping others. I enjoyed it.

One day, it hit me that I had no way to support myself if it came down to it. After I had a few days of panic, I decided to go back to school. Just like I ususally do, I jumped in with both feet. I got through school in record time by taking way too many classes at once. Now you see why I want to get back to the slower pace that is famously southern in nature. I was exhausted! The sound of taking it slow and easy was music to my ears.

It started off good. I was looking for a job and doing a little writing here and there. I was also substituting and volunteering. Then the call came with a short term job. Wonderful news that it was, it still wasn’t exactly what I was looking for long term. Then the phone rang again, and I had another short term job. For a month, I had a full time job and a part time, both of which would not last long. Then I was down to just the full time job. Life was still busy, but there was a light at the end of that tunnel that reminded me that this was not forever. Another short term job came along immediately after the second one ended.

 I was keeping busy. Finding time to write or even look for a regular job seemed impossible. What happened to my slow pace I had been craving? I was busy as ever!

Then it hit. Everything came to a stop. No job and nothing on the horizon. What was I going to do? Panic set in. I had to find someway to get off this emotional rollercoaster I was on. How was the question.

I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t know the answer. I’m still searching for that answer, just like I’m still searching for that ever elusive job. The difference is that I am reminding myself each day that I don’t have to be in control of everything. I just have to take each day as it comes and do what I can. So what if life gets in the way. It is definitely better than not living. Also, as I think back on the good things that have happened in my life, most of them happened not because of anything in particular that I did to make them happen. I simply took advantage of what opportunity I had before me and enjoyed the resulting joy.

Instead of allowing myself to get wrapped up in the efforts of trying to make things the way I want them, I’m trying to find the joy in what I have. I’m taking the time to look at things with fresh eyes. I’m not going to go throwing caution to the wind, but I am going to have a little faith that my needs will be met without my having to drive myself insane on an emotional rollercoaster. Who knows, maybe letting go will be just what is needed to allow me to find that elusive job. The rest and relaxation will definitely be more like the slow southern pace that I have been craving. How do you find your relaxation?

Whether you are a man or a woman, there are only 24 hours in each day. Sleep in some amount is mandatory. So the hours we have available for getting things done is limited. When something is added, then something else must be given up. I remember years ago in economics class, the instructor gave an example of the cost of everything.

If you choose to go to a small local store that has a higher cost rather than taking the time to travel to a larger store that has a lower cost, you still have costs. You have to consider the amount of time involved, the cost of the travel, and the cost of the actual product. Sometimes, it pays to pay a little more for something because of the additional costs that we are not able to pay at the time. If we have only 10 minutes and the larger store will be a 20 minute drive, then yeah, we will pay more for the product. We could always choose to do without the product, but even that is a cost. All choices come with a cost of giving up on another option.

As a woman, I must say that I tend to think of these costs a lot. I weigh each decision, or at least try to, in order to determine which one has the most acceptable cost factors. When I chose to go back to school, I knew that I would have less time to take the boys to sporting events and less time to stay on top of their activities. Housework might suffer. My energy level would definitely be reduced. I may even not be able to substitute as many days as I had been. The outcome would be worth it in the long run though. At least the dream goal was worth it. I still have not reached that goal, but I still feel that it was worth it.

Sure my house suffered. My boys and my husband had to do more around the house than they were used to doing. Things even went undone. In the long run, we discovered that my husband is actually good at cooking. So is my youngest son. I love to cook, but rarely enjoy cooking because those two are the pickiest eaters I have ever encountered! So, the kitchen is now basically theirs. Even though I no longer go to school.

Laundry may sit in a basket a bit longer. I may even miss a game or two. Does that mean that the world is coming to an end? No. Does it mean that I regret missing them? Sometimes, yes I do. Just this past weekend, I chose to stay home instead of going to my son’s ball game. They were playing a team that he was not expected to get to play against. He got to play a few plays and I missed it. I felt guilty. I regretted my decision even though I knew it was the right one to make at the time. Then my husband was flipping channels and found his game on television. So I watched him play after all. It was just after the fact. Does that make me less proud of him? Not in the least! He understood why I made the decision I did and he called me right after the game to have some sharing time with me. If I was at the game, the phone call would still have been required to share it with him. We are not allowed to talk to the boys while they are on the field.

My sons did not play all of the sports that they wanted to during the time I was in school. No, that did not kill them even though at first they thought it would. In fact, they have began some new hobbies and gained interest in some new sports because they were able to take a step back and look at their options. So, they learned about options. I learned that missing out on something they want to do will not actually kill them.

Do I actually believe that anyone can have it all? No. For everything that we do, we have to give up doing something else. There is no physical way that we can have it all. We just have to realize that and come to terms with it. Then we can chose to fill our days with as many choices for which we are willing to pay the price. We can come to terms with the fact that time is limited and we must try to find a way to reach a balance we are able to live with.

So today when you face the feeling of why can’t I have it all, don’t fret. Instead take a look at what choices you can make to fill your days with the things and activities that best fit your and your family’s needs. Do not judge what is best for your family and you by what other people do. Be your own person. Take a good look at everything on your plate and ask yourself, “Is this worth the cost?” If it is, then great! If it isn’t, then maybe you need to reevaluate that choice. Regardless of whether we are male or female, we can never have it all. Instead, we should strive to have what is best for us as an individual and for our family group. Enjoy your day of choices!

The month of August has come and gone. Thanks to those that stepped up to help me with my challenge, my crochet hook will be flying! With 193 unique visitors and 494 page views, the Online Angels will be sent almost 500 6 inch squares.

I started crocheting on these yesterday but due to the number of squares, it will take me a month or two to get them all made and shipped. Please check the comments to this message for at least a weekly update on how my progress is coming. When they are all completed and shipped, I will create a new post.

Thank you all for helping me with this challenge. I am in discussion with the Online Angels group for another challenge later this year. Hopefully the next one will be even a bigger success than this one has been. Thank you one and all for your help!

Whether it should be or not, religion and politics are two topics that generally can be counted on to stir up discussion. Sometimes that discussion should have been avoided. Sometimes it causes a relationship to be broken past the point of repair. Today, I’m going off on a tangent and sharing a personal experience with  you. One that I probably should just shut up and let the urge to share pass me by.

Personally, religion and politics are two topics that I frequently try to avoid. I live in the Bible Belt. People here take their religion very seriously. Some go to church every time the door is open. Churches have family and fun nights. Members go out into the community and try to invite others to come visit the church. Sometimes friendships are even based upon what church a person goes to. There are some people that would rather try to avoid the topic in conversation. Today, I was looking over a few articles I have written and came across an article written after a particularly bad discussion with a family member.

This article was written during a time of great pain. I had been going through a rather tough time personally. I had been dealing with a family member that turned abusive. I ended up being stupid enough to think that I could talk to another family member about it. This family member had never been overly religious, so I did not expect the discussion to turn to religion. Even though my beliefs were firmly in place, hearing someone just say that they would pray for me was not what I needed.

True, I needed the prayer. I was even thankful for the prayer. My strong religous beliefs and my tendency to avoid discussion of religion to keep down disagreements kept me from being overly verbous in my appreciation. Honestly, I may not have even said anything but a courtesy “thank you.” In no way was I prepared for the reaction that my lack of overwhelming appreciation brought about.

In the resulting email discussions, I was unable to communicate to this family member that I do have very strong religious beliefs and that I do believe in the power of prayer. I have seen several family members healed when very little hope for their recovery was given. I pray over some of the silliest things and some of the more serious things. To have this person make statements naming my name and publically announcing that they feel sorry for me and my lack of beliefs, that was too much.

Not only does she have an erronous view of me, but she is also someone that I no longer communicate with at all. All because of a conversation about religion. Even living in the south where caring for your neighbor and being there for them in their time of need could not put a damper on the results of a discussion once religion was brought into the mix.

As for me, I will continue to believe in God. I will continue to believe in prayer. I will also continue to do everything in my power to avoid discussions of religion. When the fabric of a family can be torn into and damaged this drastically over someone simply not showing enough appreciation over the simple statement “I’ll pray for you”, then I think it is time that I take another look at the article I linked above. Indeed, it is necessary to stop and think before we say “I’ll pray for you.” Not only between people that we do not personally know well, but even those that we have know our entire lives. Instead, maybe we should just say a quiet prayer without trying to make ourselves look good by telling them what we are going to do. I suppose we could ask for their approval first, but is that totally necessary? If we simply say a quiet prayer, the important part will remain the same. The prayer will still be heard whether those that we pray for ever know we pray for them or not.

(August 12, 2008)

When I checked the stats tonight, I had 21 unique visitors and 79 page views. Come on folks, I need a challenge! These squares will be started tomorrow. I’ll add to this post tomorrow to update the progress. Please give me a challenge here!

This is the day that I knew would come. I thought I would be ready. Boy was I ever wrong! This is the first day of my oldest son’s final year of high school. He left for school on time, wishing he could stay home. I wanted to cry and beg him not to go. Instead, I was the mom he needed me to be and told him to get his tail in that truck right away.

I can’t tell him how much I wanted to cry as he drove down the driveway. I can’t tell him how often I thought back about his first day of school and even the day he was born. He would not understand how much it hurts to watch your little boy growing into a young man.

He is a blessing. He works. He even plays sports. He tries hard to do things a man would. Sometimes he still wants to be the boy and play games. He sometimes is even a little difficult to get started on his day. Those are the times that I can remember that he is still and always will be my son.

While I was attending college to get my teaching degree, he would walk behind my chair and pat my back. He would look over my shoulder to see what I was working on and sometimes even comment. One day, he walked by as I was reading Love You, Forever. It caught his attention, so I read it to him.

Yes, he can read it himself. I just happen to believe that everyone can benefit from hearing a story read to them from time to time. I’m very glad that I took the time to read that book to him that day. From then on, when he saw me stressed, he would come to my side and quote the book to me.

Sons seem to have trouble letting their mothers know that they believe in them. For him, that was his way of letting me know that he believed in what I was trying to do. I made it through it, but not without the help of my husband and my sons.

This morning was a rather emotional time for me. I think I did a good job of not allowing my emotions to show through. I sure could have used hearing him quote that book this morning. When he told me that he did not need my money for lunch, it really sunk in that he was growing up. When he did not want to go to school, I had thought he was still being my little boy. He proved me wrong. He is my son that has grown into a young man. No, I’m not ready for this day. When it happens with my youngest son, I will be a basket case.

Awhile back, it was suggested that I check out the hot trends page at google. It can be found at http://www.google.com/trends/ but be warned, some of the topics may be quite curious.  It changes often, so what I see will probably be a bit different from what you see.

These are what people are doing searches on. Some are understandable to me, while some are not. With gossip being spread about Oprah, it was no surprise to see “Oprah cheating” as one of the listed trends. Gossip is gossip and tends to get people talking more and more about something.  There seem to be several that are geared towards whatever the local gossip that the media is circulating.

There are several that have appeared that seem quite interesting. At the time I looked there was a mention of a siren festival, mile high music festival, Red Bull flugtag, Pittsburg vintage grand prix, and Yarmouth clam festival. Now, those are understandable since they are probably events that are scheduled that people would want to know more about. I had to check out the Alabama Deep Sea Fishing Rodeo topic. It was pretty much what I expected. The pitchfork festival was a different story. I was expecting a small town festival about pitchforks. I was in for a surprise.

Sometimes, it is possible to know what is showing on television by seeing some of the topics listed. I’ve checked several times to see the name of the movie I had just watched be on the list. News stories make for topics to be included too. At the time of my visit, there were several on the list that I had seen mentioned on the CNN.com site when I checked the latest news.

Whether you agree with the gossipy trend of many these days or you prefer to just find something interesting, Google Trends is still an interesting place to visit. Don’t get lost there. The topics are vast and sometimes not my preferred cup of tea. This southern gal prefers topics that she can understand. Well, maybe I need to go check out the most walkable cities. It looks safe enough for an ole southern gal.