Southern Musings

When my children were little, I dreamed of having a large house. It was actually four houses in one. They were all connected and formed a square around a central patio area. Each house had a kitchen, living room, and several bedrooms. There was a hallway with doors connecting the houses together. You could technically walk in the front door, down a hallway through all four houses to come back to where you started. Yes, this was only a dream, but it was the house that I wanted. With a house like that, my children could all live near me but still have their own home too.

The house never became my reality. True, there are still several years to go in my life, but after the past few months, I’m not sure that just a connecting door would be enough of a cushion between the houses. I’m no longer sure that I would want to live that close to all of my children. With them living that close, it would be too easy to run to Mom.

Currently, my daughter and her three children have moved back home. Add to that my two boys that are still in school, and you have one full house. There is never a dull moment in this house! I’m glad that they felt that this was a safe place for them to turn to during their time of need, but there are times that I’m unsure of whether I am helping or hurting them by allowing them to remain. Things are definitely very different from before.

I had been used to being able to get up in the middle of my writing to take care of something without any worries of losing my work. The worst thing that could happen was for my power to blink off since my battery backup died and I have yet to replace it. After the addition to our household members, if I have to walk away from my computer while in the midst of writing an article or even an email, I may come back to find my computer has been overtaken by my daughter or my grandchildren. The work I had poured my heart into may be gone forever.

I was used to having a pile of laundry waiting on me most days. Now it is a mountain that never seems to go down any at all. We used to do 2-3 loads per day, now at least 4 or 5 need to be done daily. We went from four people to eight living in one household. It seems like almost everything doubled. How on earth, three small children can eat and mess as much as these do is beyond my capability to understand.

When the days are stressed with trying to find time and energy, not to mention money to meet all of the needs of a household that doubled in size overnight, I find myself wanting to run away and hide. At times I curl up in bed and try to force the worries of how to make it through another day out of my mind by the numbness of sleep. At other times, I know that things are better today than they were yesterday. Well, at least on most days they are.

Then after a good night’s sleep, I wake up to the pitter patter of little feet and a knock at my door. A whispered “Grandma” can wake me up faster than a weather siren would if it was placed right outside my bedroom window. I know that with three little words my day can begin in the best way possible. All I have to do is say, “Come here baby” and I will be blessed with the best hugs and kisses in the world. When the day starts off like that, it is indeed a special day.

Unfortunately, that warmth and love is quickly over as the time comes to get everyone else up and ready for school or work. As we are all rushing to get into the shower and dressed in time to hit the road in our different directions, the day begins to be more stressful and the blessed feeling of the morning begins to fade. As the day wears on and more and more things have to be dealt with, the body becomes weary and craving the comfort of the quiet night.

Extended families living together in one home makes for a lot of issues that can complicate life. Bodies seem to require more than we feel we have to give. A good night of sleep does a lot to renew the body, but the spirit needs that early morning sound of little feet running down the hall. With each closer step, my heart begins to flutter with the anticipation of hearing “Grandma” moments before feeling the glory of a child’s love. With love, understanding, and a lot of hard work, extended families can make a home filled with the blessings that every child needs.

I have often said that real life keeps getting in the way of what we want to do. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so even these real life interruptions are necessary. Even though logically, I can see that they are bound to happen and even though my brain tells me that I should get used to them, my heart never seems to understand. Lately, they seem to be happening more and more often. Common sense tells me that maybe I should take the hint and realize that means that I’m trying to hard to make the wrong things happen.

Do we really have an option of making things happen? In all honesty, I’m not smart enough to know the answer to that question. I simply know that the harder I try to make somethings happen, the harder they are to reach. The more I try to fit into someone else’s image of who I should be, the worse things are.

You may think an old grandma wouldn’t care what others think or worry about trying to make dreams come true. Unfortunately, this old grandma does. It has not got me to where I want to be. It has not made me happy. Still, I keep on trying. I keep trying to be a better person.

Instead of taking the time to realize that I’m alright just the way I am, I keep striving to be more. In doing so, I often lose sight of what it is that I truly want to do. Maybe it is just that I want to do so much, that I keep going in so many different directions at once that I can not become successful at any of them.

A good friend recently sent me an email that stated that to truly become a master at something, that you must put in 10,000 hours at it. Well, I’m much too old to try to become a master at anything. I’ve always been what I call a Jill of all trades and master of none. I tend to change directions way too often to reach the 10,000 hours in anything. Or so I thought.

I took the time to think back on what I have done over the past 44 years. Since the time I was 10, I have taken care of kids. I have worked at helping others, especially kids, try to reach their potential. I am always there with a quick “You can do it” attitude towards other’s goals, hopes, and dreams. Seeing the joy in a child’s face when they try something new or finally accomplish that skill that has been eluding them, brings a warmth over me that makes me feel like a piece of chocolate dropped in the parking lot on an Alabama July day.

I may never have the house that I dream of with a desk sitting in the window of an office that overlooks the mountain stream or a classroom of my own, but I will always have the knowledge that I am a master of helping others. I am a queen of inspiring others to keep trying. I will be the grandma with the warm hugs and the “I told you so” that comes with each accomplished goal. I will be the teacher that goes the extra mile to help her students. I will be the friend that always believes in others.

I may not wear the latest fashion in clothing or drive the popular car. I won’t live in the right neighborhood. I won’t be a popular person. I will not even be a role model. I will simply be me. I will live where my family can live with me. I will enjoy my hectic lifestyle as I wake up to an overcrowded house full of people. I will love those that are strong enough to stand beside me without trying to hold me back.

My husband, my children, and my grandchildren are not the only part of my life, but they are the part that keeps me being me. They provide the real life situations that get in my way when I start dreaming too big. They share the love that is necessary to get past all the road blocks and live life to it’s fullest. I’m not a bad person.

I’m a little short on self confidence and my physical appearance would require a novel to explain all the needed updates. They are strong enough to look past all of that to the goodness in my heart and the strength in my desire to help others. My thoughts on life today prove one thing. I am truly a very lucky woman.

Wedding bells or other special events seem to increase the desire to lose weight in many people. As a morbidly obese person, just day to day life makes me want to lose weight. Instead of losing, I just keep on going as I have for the past few years. I’m not losing and unfortunately may even still be gaining slowly.

Even though I do not have a special event to try to lose weight for, I know that my health requires that I find a way to lose weight. I don’t consider myself a “sickly” person, but I’m not a stupid person either. I know that my weight does cause issues that I would not have to deal with if I did lose weight.

You would think that would be enough to inspire me to lose weight. Before you can understand why I stay so heavy, you need to know the fear that I live with on a daily basis. This is a fear that is so overwhelming that I think it would be harder to deal with if I lost weight and regained it than it is to simply stay fat.

Speaking as someone that has not always been heavy, I feel like I have failed myself for allowing myself to get so big. I didn’t set out to gain so much weight, nor do I want to remain this size for the rest of my life. I can still remember how good it felt to wear regular size clothes. Whether I ever get back down to that size is for the future to determine. What really is sticking out in my mind the most is the feeling that I did it once, why can’t I do it again? Every single day that I do not lose, I feel like I have failed myself.

Honestly, my smallest days did not include my wedding day. I was at my smallest when my husband and I started dating. I often feel that maybe he regrets marrying me since I have gained so much weight. Of course, he is too much of a gentleman to ever admit to it. Plus, he has to love me to even put up with me. As you probably guess from my writings, I can be very opinionated.

I fear that anyone that struggleds to lose weight to get down to their smallest for a special event may be setting theirselves up for feeling the same sense of failure that I have dealt with. It is not a path that I would wish my worst enemy to take, much less a new bride. Can their special day truly be the happy event that they want if they are to scared to eat the food and drink being served without splitting their special outfit?

I’m going to admit it, I would LOVE to lose weight. Fear is stopping me from even trying though. Fear of reaching my goal only to regain the weight and facing this overwhelming feeling again. If I simply look at my weight from yesterday or even last year, then I’m not so much of a failure. If I go back to the memories of the time my husband and I were dating, then I am one of the biggest failures around. That is the overwhelming feeling that I fear. That is what is keeping me from losing weight.

Although, I do not have the answers I need in order to find my way around this fear, I do know that I need to find my own path to losing weight and banishing my fears. I’ve always said that I felt that diet should be considered one of the worst four letter words any person could possibly say. It causes so much pain and heartache. It allows us to set ourselves up for failure. Fear of failure causes me to not try to lose weight.

I do have an idea. Instead of trying to lose weight, I think that I should just concentrate on creating an atmosphere of healthy eating. I need to make small changes without worrying about a weight loss goal or even that dreaded four letter word. I do not want to try to face my fears, but I want to find a way around them. My weight should not be the deciding factor as to my happiness. When I obsess about my weight, then I allow it to have too much influence on my life.

As a southern gal, I love good food. That is not something that I am willing to give up. I still want butter in my cooking. I got to have my dumplings and cornbread. I refuse to give up my biscuit and gravy. I may not eat as much of them each time or I may not eat them as often, but I will allow myself the foods that I know will make me give up a too strict diet.

Instead of giving up anything, I’m going to add to what I eat. I’m going to add more healthy foods so that I will be less tempted to eat too much of my favorites. I am going to strive to overcome my fear by making positive changes in my diet. I’m going to work towards changing that four letter word that I fear into what it truly is, just a word that means what we eat. I’m taking restriction out of the picture. I’m taking the control back and sending the fears packing.

Every year about this time, new beginnings are a topic on many people’s minds. It definitely is for me. I am so ready for a chance to have a new beginning. I have worked hard over the past few years only to find that what I truly wanted and worked so hard to get remains just outside my grasp. That tends to make me hunger for a change. I want to stretch out and grab it. I want to finally take that final step into the life I want.

I admire those that make resolutions and stick to them. I do not usually make resolutions. I do not usually even set goals. Well, not the short term goals that I should. Instead, I tend to have more long term desires. I tend to look at what has to be done for what I want and just do whatever it is without taking the time to really set the short term goals that I needed to reach first. I still end up reaching my goals, or getting pretty close to them. What I do not do, however, is celebrate the steps along the way. I get so wrapped up in the long term goal, that I let things fall by the wayside that I should not.

Whether you call them resolutions or goals, the important thing is to take some time to ask yourself, “Am I trying to accomplish this in the best way?” Are you celebrating the smaller victories? Are you so focused on the end product that you will be disappointed that if it does not happen the way you want? Can you break the ultimate goal into smaller steps? Should you break it into smaller steps? What will the result be if you do not meet your goal or keep your resolution?

Resolutions and goals are wonderful. Keeping it real is even better. Plan to reach your goals by planning each step to get there. Realize that sometimes things happen that keep us from reaching our goals even after we have worked so hard and got so close to them that we can almost smell the victory of achievement.

Whether your new beginning comes at the beginning of the year, or sometime in the middle or end, enjoy the beginning. Strive for your goals in small increments. Take time to celebrate each small victory. Think about what will happen if you do not meet your goals. Consider alternative goals when necessary. Whatever you do, just keep trying. Life is too precious to just sit and watch it pass you by. Get out there and enjoy yourself and the momments you have.

Hello and welcome to the world of Friday in the South during the fall. During the fall, the entire state of Alabama, and several other southern states, should be on a mandatory four day work week. Why? Friday night activities often require at least a shorter workday.

Football season is accompanied with tailgating and traditions. There are dinners to attend and special activities that have either become a tradition or are well on their way to becoming a new tradition. One such new tradition is the parents walking out the senior football players at the last home game.  Sounds like fun, right? 

It probably will be nice for the football player. They are being honored by their parents for their accomplishments. Their parents are showing how proud they are of their “little” boy. Okay, so the boy is more of a man than a boy. What if they also happen to be shy? Or what if their parents do not have money to buy dress clothes to wear? Will they still be proud of their parents walking them out, or will they instead be embarrassed? I think it is a personal thing. Some would be embarrassed and others would remain happy.

At my son’s school, there is a wide range of income levels. Some even with low income will go out and spend money they need on other items to have a fancy outfit so as to not embarrass their child by wearing the best that they currently have in the closet. That is a little beyond my doings. Especially, for something that will last maybe 15 minutes.

Then comes the tough part. The parents must sit through the football game in dress clothes and try to avoid ruining them. How often do you go to a football game and someone sitting near you spills their drink or food? Unless you wear dress clothes daily, then just sitting in them may be uncomfortable. Imagine sitting on hard concrete in your best clothes.

I personally feel that it is important that we support our children in the positive things that they are doing. I actually feel guilty that I have not been able to attend all of my son’s games the past few years. Between school and work and then working two jobs, my energy has been zapped by game nights. Dragging myself to a game in a tshirt and jeans is difficult enough. Wearing dress clothes is a frightening thought to me. Walking out on the field is terrifying.

Even though I’m not fond of this new tradition, I will take part. Why? Because I love my son and I am so proud of him! He has spent most of his high school football career standing on the sidelines. He has practiced as hard as the rest of the players but has seen very little to no playing time for every game. I would never have the patience to stand their and watch others do what I want to do.

Football in the south is a money game. It costs money for your child to play. No, the school does not have pay to play, but they have so many “booster” projects and items that the money really adds up. Add in the cost of gas, admission, and concessions, and the dent to your budget gets even bigger.

For those of us that are not part of the wealthier group, southern Friday nights can cause additional strain. We may have to eat cheaper the rest of the week. We may even have to put off purchases of items that are not completely necessary. We may save all year to help pay for the expenses of the fall. Whatever we must do, we find a way to do it. Why? Because we are southern parents. True, there are many around the world that do everything that they can for their children. People all around the world have similiar experiences. As a southern parent, our thing is often football. For some, the sport season never ends because their child is into a wide variety of sports. These young men and women will complete one sport and move immediately into another one. Today, I am thanking my lucky stars that my sons have backed away from a couple of sports. I do get a little break between sports.

Today is Friday in the south. Football is the game of choice tonight. Work must take a backseat to the task at hand. It is time to put on our dress clothes, go to the game and walk out proudly beside our wonderful son. Senior year is a special time in his life. This particular southern Friday night is one that I hope he will have fond memories of for years to come.

Southern beaches are a wonderful place to relax. You can kick your shoes off, walk along the beach, wade in the shallow part of the water, or just lay back and enjoy the sun. They can also be a little messy at times. Sometimes they are interesting in yet very different ways. Continue Reading »

Southern hospitality is something that many of us southerners take very seriously. Helping others is another thing that I personally take seriously. When friends come to visit, it is my job to make them feel welcome.

As you visit this blog and take the time to visit the links on the left hand side column, please know that you are helping me to help others. First you are helping me. I write this blog because I love to write, love to discuss the south, and because it helps bring in a few extra pennies into my household budget.

Since my pay depends on how many people take the time to come and read the words that pour fourth from my fingers, I have to try to promote visiting the blog. Sometimes, I do this by telling anyone that I know. Sometimes I have even been known to beg for visits. Hey, I’m being totally honest here!

Today, I come to you to ask for your help in a personal challenge that I’m beginning. For the month of August, I plan to make a six inch crochet square for each visit to t his blog. The squares will be sent to an online charity that turns these squares into blankets for the needy. If you want to help me with the challenge, then please, visit all the different posts listed on the left hand column. Share the information with family and friends, so they too can come visit. I will post at least once a week to keep you informed on the progress.

So come on, help me out! Challenge me! I want to see how many visits you all can send my way. My crochet hook is waiting and I have a box of yarn just sitting there taking up space. I’m waiting on your visits!

This post is neither sponsored by or endorsed by today.com. This is just me, trying to help out others and needing a challenge to keep me motivated. So visit away and keep my crochet hook busy!

When someone comes into my house, they do not have a lot of choice in regards to drinks available. I do keep bottled water on hand, since our tap water has a bad taste to it. Sometimes I have some soft drinks. I generally have the ingredients to make Kool-Aid. Rarely will you enter my home and open my refrigerator that you will not see a pitcher of tea. For those of you that may not be very familiar with my tastes that would be sweet tea. I am southern after all.

If it is fresh made, help yourself to the crushed or cubed ice in the door. If it has been in there awhile, you can still help yourself to the ice, if you want. It has to be cold. The weather outside is just too hot in the summer. Our winters are generally mild, but even if they were freezing, we would just use the weather to chill our tea. Who could do without the tea? That would be like asking me to stop breathing. I will not give up either one willingly.

If you are diabetic or prefer unsweet tea, you better stick with the bottled water. There is no way that I would be able to make you a pitcher of tea that is either hot or unsweet. I will show you where the kitchen is so you can make your own. The Luzianne website refers to sweet ice tea as the “house wine” of southerners. For this southerner, it is my lifeblood.

Sweet tea and iced tea go way back in history. According the Luzianne website at www.luzianne.com, iced tea may have began in the early 1800’s. It was first recorded in cookbooks as being made with green tea leaves and usually included alcohol in the mix. Over time, it has evolved into the almost syrupy concoction that is often ordered in southern restaurants as “sweet tea” or “unsweet tea”.

Even though the history of sweet tea and iced tea goes back much farther than I do, I am definitely old enough to be a stubborn southern woman. When you come to my house, I will offer you a glass of tea. Expect it with ice and with tons of sugar. That is, if you get there before I empty the pitcher. If that is the case, give me a few minutes and you can have some fresh tea. Same rules apply though.

With the hectic pace of life today, it is hard to find time to do everything that needs to be done. Sometimes we just can’t fit in everything that needs to be done. That is when we need to stop and take stock of our lives and see if we can find time since we can not slow down the pace.

Where do we find the time though? First, we look for ways to cut out unnecessary time wasters. Is there something that can be cut from your schedule? Is there something that could be done less frequently and not take more time? Of course some things, like sleep, we have to do in certain amounts. Others, like cooking, we can find ways to speed up the process.

Cutting out something or speeding things up can not be done haphazardly. If they are, then more problems may be the result. Sometimes we can learn from other’s experiences. As I begin my own personal experiment with searching for ways to find time in my schedule, I will share the results with you. Both bad and good results and my thoughts on them will be part of a new section here called Finding Time.

Since this is a new experiment and I have no prior experience with this, the outcome is anyone’s guess. It might end up disastrous or it may end up being a success. It may provide many laughs for both my family and those who read about it. Time will tell if I can find ways of finding time successfully.

Tracy Lawrence sang a song titled “If the World Had a Front Porch.” This song reminded me of many southern days and nights spent sitting on the porch. The porch was the preferred hang out. We talked about a lot of different topics and even had several heated debates. Often, we even pulled practical jokes on people. But through it all, the front porch was still a special place. In the song, it is a place of peacefulness and solving problems.

With the way the world is going today, I think this song should be played several times a day on every radio station. Think of all the people it would reach! The world is full of pain and suffering. It is full of people that have forgotten the art of compromise. There are some times when compromise just will not work. There are many other times when if we could sit down on the front porch and talk it all out with family members that we might just find a resolution without having to resort to taking people to court or fighting legal battles.

Front porches are great for sitting in the shade to shell peas or break beans. There is no place quite the same for cranking the old ice cream maker to make that sweet concoction of many hot summer days’ dreams. Sitting in the swing watching people drive by is a relaxing pastime. Just do not forget to wave or holler out a “how ‘ya doing” from time to time. Porches are friendly places, you know.

The decorations do not have to be as extravagant as those in magazine spreads. Although, many of the porches in Southern Living magazine make me want to grab some cool lemonade, they are a bit pricey for many southerners budget. A simple porch swing, a big comfortable chair, or even just a plain old fashioned rocking chair would work. Add in a table to put your drink on and you are all set for an afternoon of old fashioned relaxation. Add in a couple of kids playing, someone with a guitar or other musical instrument, a couple of fans, and the crunching of ice being ground into pieces as the ice cream maker bucket turns to have a perfect impromptu gathering. Fancy chairs with elaborate cushions, tons of flowers, crystal glasses, and gourmet food are not completely necessary. They could prove interesting though.

The important thing is that the front porch is a place to forget the troubles that can not be resolved by some common sense and helping attitude of neighbors. Not quite as elaborate as a cookout or bar-b-que, but still just a good source of neighborhood togetherness. It isn’t the front porch that made the difference. The front porch simply was the place where the problems could be discussed and dealt with in an easy going atmosphere. So even though the if there really was a front porch for the world to share, all the problems may not be resolved simply by building it, having it there would be a benefit. It would be the place to go to relax, enjoy life, and work on the problems in an atmosphere that encourages being a good neighbor.