Feb 18 2009
Wandering Thoughts on Life
I have often said that real life keeps getting in the way of what we want to do. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so even these real life interruptions are necessary. Even though logically, I can see that they are bound to happen and even though my brain tells me that I should get used to them, my heart never seems to understand. Lately, they seem to be happening more and more often. Common sense tells me that maybe I should take the hint and realize that means that I’m trying to hard to make the wrong things happen.
Do we really have an option of making things happen? In all honesty, I’m not smart enough to know the answer to that question. I simply know that the harder I try to make somethings happen, the harder they are to reach. The more I try to fit into someone else’s image of who I should be, the worse things are.
You may think an old grandma wouldn’t care what others think or worry about trying to make dreams come true. Unfortunately, this old grandma does. It has not got me to where I want to be. It has not made me happy. Still, I keep on trying. I keep trying to be a better person.
Instead of taking the time to realize that I’m alright just the way I am, I keep striving to be more. In doing so, I often lose sight of what it is that I truly want to do. Maybe it is just that I want to do so much, that I keep going in so many different directions at once that I can not become successful at any of them.
A good friend recently sent me an email that stated that to truly become a master at something, that you must put in 10,000 hours at it. Well, I’m much too old to try to become a master at anything. I’ve always been what I call a Jill of all trades and master of none. I tend to change directions way too often to reach the 10,000 hours in anything. Or so I thought.
I took the time to think back on what I have done over the past 44 years. Since the time I was 10, I have taken care of kids. I have worked at helping others, especially kids, try to reach their potential. I am always there with a quick “You can do it” attitude towards other’s goals, hopes, and dreams. Seeing the joy in a child’s face when they try something new or finally accomplish that skill that has been eluding them, brings a warmth over me that makes me feel like a piece of chocolate dropped in the parking lot on an Alabama July day.
I may never have the house that I dream of with a desk sitting in the window of an office that overlooks the mountain stream or a classroom of my own, but I will always have the knowledge that I am a master of helping others. I am a queen of inspiring others to keep trying. I will be the grandma with the warm hugs and the “I told you so” that comes with each accomplished goal. I will be the teacher that goes the extra mile to help her students. I will be the friend that always believes in others.
I may not wear the latest fashion in clothing or drive the popular car. I won’t live in the right neighborhood. I won’t be a popular person. I will not even be a role model. I will simply be me. I will live where my family can live with me. I will enjoy my hectic lifestyle as I wake up to an overcrowded house full of people. I will love those that are strong enough to stand beside me without trying to hold me back.
My husband, my children, and my grandchildren are not the only part of my life, but they are the part that keeps me being me. They provide the real life situations that get in my way when I start dreaming too big. They share the love that is necessary to get past all the road blocks and live life to it’s fullest. I’m not a bad person.
I’m a little short on self confidence and my physical appearance would require a novel to explain all the needed updates. They are strong enough to look past all of that to the goodness in my heart and the strength in my desire to help others. My thoughts on life today prove one thing. I am truly a very lucky woman.
