Southern Musings

Dear Jay,

My youngest started high school this week. Yes, I’m getting old, but my memories today are from when I was much younger. Way back when I had my own first days of school.

As I drove him to school and having to run my air conditioner, I remembered all those mornings when I would have to rush out to wait on the bus. We had a long drive way so waiting at the door until we saw the bus was not an option. We had a great bus driver but even I knew better than to expect her to wait on me just so I could stay warm or dry.

Every morning we would wait very impatiently at the end of our drive way. If no cars were coming, we sometimes would run circles around the mail box. For the life of me, I can’t recall why. Boredom, I suppose. Those times were rare though. We lived on a major highway so there was usually always traffic.

“Big trucks” or “eighteen wheelers” as we called them would rush past us hauling coal. Sometimes chunks would fall off and a few even hit us from time to time. We didn’t mind that as much as we did the wind from them. We had to listen to our mom complain about how difficult our hair was to fix in the first place. We hoped and prayed that she wouldn’t look out and see how we looked after the first five or six trucks blew past us. On picture day, we knew to stand as far back as we could. That one day, hearing the bus drivers wrath was much easier to deal with than our mom complaining because our hair was so messed up for our pictures.

As fall turned into winter, the thermostat would dip low. Waiting on the bus was definitely not fun. We would run in place just to try to keep warm. On those days, as soon as we heard a truck, we would take off running backwards. If we ever had a truck coming when the bus was coming, the mere thought of the wind would make us shiver long before we felt the “breeze” that could blast through the heaviest of coats.

Waiting on the bus was filled with a lot of fun as well as a few challenges. We made it through and I know that my son could too. I may be cheating him out of some fond memories of waiting on the bus like I had, but I so enjoy the new memories I’m making. The drive to school is often filled with my asking a question, then repeating it when he realizes I’m talking and takes out the earphones, but it also has some special moments. You know those that happen so seldom that you almost forget that they exist. Those few moments when you know that your child truly knows how much you care about him. Those moments are worth his not getting to experience the memories of waiting on the bus. Hopefully, these memories will one day mean something to him.

Dear Jay,

Today, you have been on my mind. I went back and looked at the reply you had sent me last. Immediately all sorts of thoughts came pouring to my mind about my days growing up in the south. I know you must have had some that were very similiar but yet so very different.

Today, I want to share with you a little about summers. Summers in Alabama way back when were a lot like they are now. The heat was horrible and youngsters everywhere were doing all that they could to beat the heat.

If you were lucky, you had a pool, creek, or even a pond near enough to visit. Of course that would also depend on whether your parents were over protective enough to keep you from going on your own or not. Of course mine was one of the over protective types, so my water visits were kept to a minimum. I heard stories of those that would go to the lake or river and enjoy a day swimming with friends. Some even went to town to the pool. We got to go for a few weeks each year to take swimming lessons. I guess it never seemed to sink in to my mother that lessons were great but they also required practice from time to time.

In all fairness, we did get a bit of practice. Once a month during the summer, we would pack up the travel trailer and head for the campground. If it was a weekend trip, which most of them were, we would go to a nearby park. Luckily, it was on the lake and they had a pool. Then there was that one glorious week that we left the state. We usually went to the mountains of North Carolina. Swimming time was kept to a minimum by visits to amusement parks and sight seeing trips.

Each weekend camping trip included packing up our bikes. You know, those two wheeled things that were human powered that officially are called bicycles. We would take those along on to get around the park. There must have been something magical about that park. Our normally overprotective parents actually let us out of their sight. They would sit in the shade of the camp while we rode around the campground. Sometimes we even got to play putt-putt golf. Doesn’t that just sound like such a thrilling weekend?

Actually, it was quite fun. We never worried about sunscreen or bugs, we just enjoyed ourselves. We took radios and sometimes even a small television. We got the same three channels camping as we did at home. So what if the television was only about a fourth of the size and was in black and white instead of color. We were here to get away and have fun anyway.

Now, when I look back on those days, I remember all the fun we had with family and friends. Rarely do we manage to get together and have that much fun today. Too bad that with all the changes going on in the world, that we have lost so much fun. It seems a pity that someone could not find a way to preserve the ability to have quality fun with people that really matter in ways that do not cost a fortune or require a major amusement factor. Today as our kids grab their cell phones and ipods as they run out the door for just a drive to town, I have to mourn the loss of all the fun we had on our trips of days gone by.

Girl Raised In The South or G.R.I.T.S. is a popular acronym here in the southern states. Personally, I believe that it is wrong. I think it should be Grandma Raised In The South. A girl raised in the south eventually grows up, gets married, and has a family. Those children one day will grow up and have kids of their own. Thus the girl evolves into a grandma. If you think the girl was something, you haven’t seen anything like the grandma she becomes!

Grandma Raised in the South will feature stories about being a grandma in the south and even how this particular grandma views things that happen in the world. So, come back soon and see what is added to the category! 

Life is so busy that I am craving a lazy Saturday spent just having fun. You know the kind where you do not have a list of chores to be done or errands to run. The entire day is spent just following the moment. You do not have to worry about having the kids at a birthday party or shopping for supplies for another school project. You get to think of what you would like to do and then just do it.

I remember spending days driving around the countryside, going swimming, or just playing cards with friends. Some days were spent visiting a park just to let the kids play while I sit back and enjoy watching them get so tired that they will be ready for an early bedtime. If a pretty flower is spotted, then time was available to stop and actually breathe in the fragrance.

Life is busy and finding the time to spend that lazy day is difficult. Instead of rushing around constantly, today I have decided to try to make that dream a reality. I have tons of things that I should do and that I need to do. For just today, I’m going to take the time to smell that flower. I’m going to savour the flavor of the food I eat. I’m going to listen to the music and actually let it float through my mind as the feelings flow the stress from my muscles. I’m going to take a nap when I feel tired. I’ll clean when I have the energy. I’ll cook when I’m hungry.

For just today, I’m going to live in the moment. The dreams of a lazy Saturday will stay in the forefront of my thoughts as I go about my day. Instead of just dreaming about a lazy Saturday and wishing I could return to the days of my past, I will do what I can to incorporate the fun of those days gone by into the reality of the fast pace of today.

When my children were little, I dreamed of having a large house. It was actually four houses in one. They were all connected and formed a square around a central patio area. Each house had a kitchen, living room, and several bedrooms. There was a hallway with doors connecting the houses together. You could technically walk in the front door, down a hallway through all four houses to come back to where you started. Yes, this was only a dream, but it was the house that I wanted. With a house like that, my children could all live near me but still have their own home too.

The house never became my reality. True, there are still several years to go in my life, but after the past few months, I’m not sure that just a connecting door would be enough of a cushion between the houses. I’m no longer sure that I would want to live that close to all of my children. With them living that close, it would be too easy to run to Mom.

Currently, my daughter and her three children have moved back home. Add to that my two boys that are still in school, and you have one full house. There is never a dull moment in this house! I’m glad that they felt that this was a safe place for them to turn to during their time of need, but there are times that I’m unsure of whether I am helping or hurting them by allowing them to remain. Things are definitely very different from before.

I had been used to being able to get up in the middle of my writing to take care of something without any worries of losing my work. The worst thing that could happen was for my power to blink off since my battery backup died and I have yet to replace it. After the addition to our household members, if I have to walk away from my computer while in the midst of writing an article or even an email, I may come back to find my computer has been overtaken by my daughter or my grandchildren. The work I had poured my heart into may be gone forever.

I was used to having a pile of laundry waiting on me most days. Now it is a mountain that never seems to go down any at all. We used to do 2-3 loads per day, now at least 4 or 5 need to be done daily. We went from four people to eight living in one household. It seems like almost everything doubled. How on earth, three small children can eat and mess as much as these do is beyond my capability to understand.

When the days are stressed with trying to find time and energy, not to mention money to meet all of the needs of a household that doubled in size overnight, I find myself wanting to run away and hide. At times I curl up in bed and try to force the worries of how to make it through another day out of my mind by the numbness of sleep. At other times, I know that things are better today than they were yesterday. Well, at least on most days they are.

Then after a good night’s sleep, I wake up to the pitter patter of little feet and a knock at my door. A whispered “Grandma” can wake me up faster than a weather siren would if it was placed right outside my bedroom window. I know that with three little words my day can begin in the best way possible. All I have to do is say, “Come here baby” and I will be blessed with the best hugs and kisses in the world. When the day starts off like that, it is indeed a special day.

Unfortunately, that warmth and love is quickly over as the time comes to get everyone else up and ready for school or work. As we are all rushing to get into the shower and dressed in time to hit the road in our different directions, the day begins to be more stressful and the blessed feeling of the morning begins to fade. As the day wears on and more and more things have to be dealt with, the body becomes weary and craving the comfort of the quiet night.

Extended families living together in one home makes for a lot of issues that can complicate life. Bodies seem to require more than we feel we have to give. A good night of sleep does a lot to renew the body, but the spirit needs that early morning sound of little feet running down the hall. With each closer step, my heart begins to flutter with the anticipation of hearing “Grandma” moments before feeling the glory of a child’s love. With love, understanding, and a lot of hard work, extended families can make a home filled with the blessings that every child needs.

I have often said that real life keeps getting in the way of what we want to do. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so even these real life interruptions are necessary. Even though logically, I can see that they are bound to happen and even though my brain tells me that I should get used to them, my heart never seems to understand. Lately, they seem to be happening more and more often. Common sense tells me that maybe I should take the hint and realize that means that I’m trying to hard to make the wrong things happen.

Do we really have an option of making things happen? In all honesty, I’m not smart enough to know the answer to that question. I simply know that the harder I try to make somethings happen, the harder they are to reach. The more I try to fit into someone else’s image of who I should be, the worse things are.

You may think an old grandma wouldn’t care what others think or worry about trying to make dreams come true. Unfortunately, this old grandma does. It has not got me to where I want to be. It has not made me happy. Still, I keep on trying. I keep trying to be a better person.

Instead of taking the time to realize that I’m alright just the way I am, I keep striving to be more. In doing so, I often lose sight of what it is that I truly want to do. Maybe it is just that I want to do so much, that I keep going in so many different directions at once that I can not become successful at any of them.

A good friend recently sent me an email that stated that to truly become a master at something, that you must put in 10,000 hours at it. Well, I’m much too old to try to become a master at anything. I’ve always been what I call a Jill of all trades and master of none. I tend to change directions way too often to reach the 10,000 hours in anything. Or so I thought.

I took the time to think back on what I have done over the past 44 years. Since the time I was 10, I have taken care of kids. I have worked at helping others, especially kids, try to reach their potential. I am always there with a quick “You can do it” attitude towards other’s goals, hopes, and dreams. Seeing the joy in a child’s face when they try something new or finally accomplish that skill that has been eluding them, brings a warmth over me that makes me feel like a piece of chocolate dropped in the parking lot on an Alabama July day.

I may never have the house that I dream of with a desk sitting in the window of an office that overlooks the mountain stream or a classroom of my own, but I will always have the knowledge that I am a master of helping others. I am a queen of inspiring others to keep trying. I will be the grandma with the warm hugs and the “I told you so” that comes with each accomplished goal. I will be the teacher that goes the extra mile to help her students. I will be the friend that always believes in others.

I may not wear the latest fashion in clothing or drive the popular car. I won’t live in the right neighborhood. I won’t be a popular person. I will not even be a role model. I will simply be me. I will live where my family can live with me. I will enjoy my hectic lifestyle as I wake up to an overcrowded house full of people. I will love those that are strong enough to stand beside me without trying to hold me back.

My husband, my children, and my grandchildren are not the only part of my life, but they are the part that keeps me being me. They provide the real life situations that get in my way when I start dreaming too big. They share the love that is necessary to get past all the road blocks and live life to it’s fullest. I’m not a bad person.

I’m a little short on self confidence and my physical appearance would require a novel to explain all the needed updates. They are strong enough to look past all of that to the goodness in my heart and the strength in my desire to help others. My thoughts on life today prove one thing. I am truly a very lucky woman.

Wedding bells or other special events seem to increase the desire to lose weight in many people. As a morbidly obese person, just day to day life makes me want to lose weight. Instead of losing, I just keep on going as I have for the past few years. I’m not losing and unfortunately may even still be gaining slowly.

Even though I do not have a special event to try to lose weight for, I know that my health requires that I find a way to lose weight. I don’t consider myself a “sickly” person, but I’m not a stupid person either. I know that my weight does cause issues that I would not have to deal with if I did lose weight.

You would think that would be enough to inspire me to lose weight. Before you can understand why I stay so heavy, you need to know the fear that I live with on a daily basis. This is a fear that is so overwhelming that I think it would be harder to deal with if I lost weight and regained it than it is to simply stay fat.

Speaking as someone that has not always been heavy, I feel like I have failed myself for allowing myself to get so big. I didn’t set out to gain so much weight, nor do I want to remain this size for the rest of my life. I can still remember how good it felt to wear regular size clothes. Whether I ever get back down to that size is for the future to determine. What really is sticking out in my mind the most is the feeling that I did it once, why can’t I do it again? Every single day that I do not lose, I feel like I have failed myself.

Honestly, my smallest days did not include my wedding day. I was at my smallest when my husband and I started dating. I often feel that maybe he regrets marrying me since I have gained so much weight. Of course, he is too much of a gentleman to ever admit to it. Plus, he has to love me to even put up with me. As you probably guess from my writings, I can be very opinionated.

I fear that anyone that struggleds to lose weight to get down to their smallest for a special event may be setting theirselves up for feeling the same sense of failure that I have dealt with. It is not a path that I would wish my worst enemy to take, much less a new bride. Can their special day truly be the happy event that they want if they are to scared to eat the food and drink being served without splitting their special outfit?

I’m going to admit it, I would LOVE to lose weight. Fear is stopping me from even trying though. Fear of reaching my goal only to regain the weight and facing this overwhelming feeling again. If I simply look at my weight from yesterday or even last year, then I’m not so much of a failure. If I go back to the memories of the time my husband and I were dating, then I am one of the biggest failures around. That is the overwhelming feeling that I fear. That is what is keeping me from losing weight.

Although, I do not have the answers I need in order to find my way around this fear, I do know that I need to find my own path to losing weight and banishing my fears. I’ve always said that I felt that diet should be considered one of the worst four letter words any person could possibly say. It causes so much pain and heartache. It allows us to set ourselves up for failure. Fear of failure causes me to not try to lose weight.

I do have an idea. Instead of trying to lose weight, I think that I should just concentrate on creating an atmosphere of healthy eating. I need to make small changes without worrying about a weight loss goal or even that dreaded four letter word. I do not want to try to face my fears, but I want to find a way around them. My weight should not be the deciding factor as to my happiness. When I obsess about my weight, then I allow it to have too much influence on my life.

As a southern gal, I love good food. That is not something that I am willing to give up. I still want butter in my cooking. I got to have my dumplings and cornbread. I refuse to give up my biscuit and gravy. I may not eat as much of them each time or I may not eat them as often, but I will allow myself the foods that I know will make me give up a too strict diet.

Instead of giving up anything, I’m going to add to what I eat. I’m going to add more healthy foods so that I will be less tempted to eat too much of my favorites. I am going to strive to overcome my fear by making positive changes in my diet. I’m going to work towards changing that four letter word that I fear into what it truly is, just a word that means what we eat. I’m taking restriction out of the picture. I’m taking the control back and sending the fears packing.

It is time to quit waiting on others to do something and to do it ourselves. Instead of waiting on the government or a charity to bail out a friend or even a total stranger, it is time that we step up and help them ourselves. It isn’t a new idea. In years gone by, this was a regular happening. At least it was until people started relying on the government or some special charity to bail others out.

There was a time without all the government agencies that we can now turn to for help. It was a time when there were people that actually cared about others. They were not helping because it made them look good. They helped because it was needed. Are there folks today that do this? Sure!

The difference is that now, the first thing that often is thought of when someone is in need is what agency can help them. Where is our compassion? Where is our sense of doing what is right? Where is our heart? Sure helping others can set you up for scams and being used. I’ve certainly been used by more people than I care to admit. There are even times when I am very guilty of not helping when I should.

Take a look at the world around you. The need is not just in Africa or some other country. It is right here in your county or state. There are people that need a helping hand. There are people that just need a friendly ear. There are people that just need a small sign that someone cares about them as an individual.

It doesn’t take a lot of money. Sometimes all it takes is your time. But the trick is, YOU have to want to help others. Not just point them in the direction of the agency that will help, but do what you can to help or show your concern.

We all have heard of the state of our economy. We even have lived through many times when we have heard of how this agency or this department will have a budget cut that will extremely effect how much help that can be given to those in need.

In my state, the education budget is what is suffering budget cuts currently. Education is a necessity. Without proper funding for education, how can we expect a bright future for our children? If teachers do not have the money needed for the supplies or if there are not enough teachers hired, then our children will not have the future that they deserve.

Yes, this is my opinnion. I hope many of you will agree with me that education and helping others is important. There are several websites that are geared towards helping people find ways to volunteer. USAService.org is only one of them. Check it out. I even found opportunites close to me way out here in the boonies.

One current focus of the site is to promote people helping others on January 19, 2009. This is the day set aside for Martin Luther King, Jr day this year. There are several opportunities listed. You can search by your zip code to find one near you. As a member of an online group called Online Angels, I plan to make 44 squares to send to online angels. 

So, what do you plan on doing to help others?

Growing up, there were certain foods that were part of every get together. If it was just the weekly family get together, we had a certain set of foods. If it was a holiday or some other special occasion, we may have a different set of foods. There were some foods that were a daily staple. As time has passed and we have all grown up and went our seperate ways, the foods of yesterday are often only a memory.

Memories of favorite foods can be brought to mind at some of the most inconvenient times. This very moment happens to be one of those times for me. Right now, I would simply love to have one of my grandmother’s dishpan full of banana pudding. Yes, you read right. She often made it in a dishpan. Hey, she had to! We had a large family and it was wonderfully heavenly that we all wanted more than just a simple serving. When that pan was set on the table, you best have your plate ready. If you thought you would be nice and wait until everyone else got served, you would not be getting any pudding.

The pudding was definitely a taste of heaven. No matter what was going on in your life, for the few moments you were eating that pudding, nothing in the world could bother you. Maybe that is why she fixed it so often. She knew that we all needed a break from our troubles from time to time.

As much as I crave the sweet, mouth watering goodness of my youth, my husband has a craving for his mother’s coconut cake. In all honesty, I’m petrified at the thought of trying to find the recipe for it. She has yet to share it with me. Instead, she simply tells me a day and time to pick it up. It is her way of saying that she loves him. How could I possibly break her heart by telling her that I want to let him know that I love him enough to try to bake something similiar. Believe me, his mom can far out cook me any day of the week. I just simply hope that my trying would be one of those rare times when it is the thought that counts.

I’ve tried looking for the recipe. I’ve even had several nice people share their recipe with me. I’m just too chicken to actually try it. Maybe I should take the time to find a recipe to try for him but instead of making it, first build up my confidence. I think if I could find a comparable recipe to my grandmother’s banana pudding, then I might be fortified with enough courage from eating that to allow me to at least attempt the cake for him. If not, at least I will have a few minutes of total bliss trying to build up my confidence. Hmm… I wonder, what other foods from my past could I attempt?

Every year about this time, new beginnings are a topic on many people’s minds. It definitely is for me. I am so ready for a chance to have a new beginning. I have worked hard over the past few years only to find that what I truly wanted and worked so hard to get remains just outside my grasp. That tends to make me hunger for a change. I want to stretch out and grab it. I want to finally take that final step into the life I want.

I admire those that make resolutions and stick to them. I do not usually make resolutions. I do not usually even set goals. Well, not the short term goals that I should. Instead, I tend to have more long term desires. I tend to look at what has to be done for what I want and just do whatever it is without taking the time to really set the short term goals that I needed to reach first. I still end up reaching my goals, or getting pretty close to them. What I do not do, however, is celebrate the steps along the way. I get so wrapped up in the long term goal, that I let things fall by the wayside that I should not.

Whether you call them resolutions or goals, the important thing is to take some time to ask yourself, “Am I trying to accomplish this in the best way?” Are you celebrating the smaller victories? Are you so focused on the end product that you will be disappointed that if it does not happen the way you want? Can you break the ultimate goal into smaller steps? Should you break it into smaller steps? What will the result be if you do not meet your goal or keep your resolution?

Resolutions and goals are wonderful. Keeping it real is even better. Plan to reach your goals by planning each step to get there. Realize that sometimes things happen that keep us from reaching our goals even after we have worked so hard and got so close to them that we can almost smell the victory of achievement.

Whether your new beginning comes at the beginning of the year, or sometime in the middle or end, enjoy the beginning. Strive for your goals in small increments. Take time to celebrate each small victory. Think about what will happen if you do not meet your goals. Consider alternative goals when necessary. Whatever you do, just keep trying. Life is too precious to just sit and watch it pass you by. Get out there and enjoy yourself and the momments you have.